I miss Los Angeles in the way you might miss a former relationship. Vaguely, from a distance, and with the wisdom of knowing you weren’t right for each other. But not everything was wrong. There were hints of goodness. Sparkle, obscured. I was afraid most of the time. Of traffic. The enormity of lanes zippered together in grotesque widths still insufficient to create adequate flow. I devised ways to avoid (isn’t this the first defense of anxiety?) the claustrophobia of potential back-ups by navigating arterials and side streets. I preferred discursive routes with stop-and-starts to being trapped on all sides. Rationally, I knew the interior of my car remained the same size no matter how fast we were moving, but the air felt scarce and desperate in confinement.
Mulholland Drive
Mulholland Drive
Mulholland Drive
I miss Los Angeles in the way you might miss a former relationship. Vaguely, from a distance, and with the wisdom of knowing you weren’t right for each other. But not everything was wrong. There were hints of goodness. Sparkle, obscured. I was afraid most of the time. Of traffic. The enormity of lanes zippered together in grotesque widths still insufficient to create adequate flow. I devised ways to avoid (isn’t this the first defense of anxiety?) the claustrophobia of potential back-ups by navigating arterials and side streets. I preferred discursive routes with stop-and-starts to being trapped on all sides. Rationally, I knew the interior of my car remained the same size no matter how fast we were moving, but the air felt scarce and desperate in confinement.